Starting on September 1, we gave the kids $30. To prevent me from taking money away, they must clean their room, make their bed, and keep the bathroom clean. The first 2 weeks were great. The didn't lose any money. Then the name calling started, and I know that we didn't discuss name calling as part of their reward, but it had to stop, and since they were getting a whopping $1/day, I thought it would be appropriate to take $.25 away each time they call one another "stupid", or say "I hate you". Gasp! Yes, my kids say those awful things to each other. So far I've had to take more money away, but it has gotten better.
Last Saturday, I had the kids do their chores. It took our family about 2 hours to clean the house, and of course the kids complained of doing so much. So I asked if they would rather clean one thing each day or do it all on Saturday. They chose the latter, and so that sparked my idea to create a chore chart, and tie money into it, since they mastered cleaning their room, making their beds and keeping the bathroom free from toothpaste in the sink & counters.
I made an Excel spreadsheet (Jeff would be so proud of me) of their daily chores. They include: make bed, clean room, homework, read for 20 minutes, practice piano for 20 min (Drew hopped on this bandwagon and wants to practice 20 minutes even though he doesn't take lessons yet - we will see if he is still motivated in a few weeks), dishes-either load or unload, set the table, and one Saturday chore in the mix. I am so happy to have added one chore to their list that they didn't have, and that's Laundry. They must wash, dry, fold & put away their own laundry. Hooray!!!! This day has been long coming, and much needed. The kids are more than capable of putting their dirty clothes in the wash, pouring the detergent and pressing one button - START. Yes, its that easy, and it's also that easy for them to dry their clothes, push - START. After years of asking, when is the laundry going to stop, I realize it never will, but my load can be lightened and having my kids learn how to do their own laundry, it's brilliant.
I wanted to share a few quotes from the book that were epiphanies to me or Ah-ha moments, not only how to get your kids to clean, but how kids operate and how we as parents can empower them to work for goals, and find their purpose in their family & world around them, and that the world does not revolve around them.
"A shocking percentage of children today suffer from depression and other psychological problems. Maybe this is a symptom of our culture of materialism, coddling and entitlement. Maybe our kids are not given important opportunities to develop a sense of self, a sense of worth, a sense of accomplishment and ability to contribute meaningfully."
"Building self-esteem and nourishing a child's need to know unconditional love combine to form the most critical role in raising kids."
" Most of us thought our primary job was to make sure our children felt good about themselves. A childhood filled with praise and ego-boosting, many of today's youth people are experiencing Adulthood Shock. As parents we owe it to our children to help them learn how to deal with criticism now in preparation for the inevitable day when it is not delivered as gently as we - or they- would like. the fist step in doing so is backward - away from our natural tendency to step in and make them feel better." We don't have to stand by helplessly, but we do need to let them try to deal with it.
" Children are like Jell-O salads; we want to pour as much good stuff inside them as we can before the mold sets. In the teen years, the mold is beginning to set up, but it is still jiggly in the middle. We still have time to pour, stir, and make a difference in the flavor of their lives."
I will keep updates on how my own experiment works, especially when we implement having the kids cook dinner weekly, or bi-weekly. Stay tuned....
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